i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
