I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
