I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
