i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
and you fell through a lawn chair
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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