I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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