Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
