I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
