woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize