Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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