Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
