rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
