I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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