I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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