We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
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Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
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you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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