wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
