you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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