Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
