I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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