you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
