Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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