hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
