Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
