You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
