I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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