went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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