You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
