so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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