The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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