I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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