his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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