you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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