Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
