she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
