Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
