She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
