guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
