i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
