ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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