remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
