# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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