In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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