shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Randomize
