what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
