New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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