proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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