you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
sarcasm needs its own font
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
