i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
