I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
