your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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