As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
