Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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