just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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