I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
