He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
