Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
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You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
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How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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