She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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