The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
