His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
