angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
