If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
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It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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