I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
