But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she smelled like a LAN party
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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