I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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