She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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