38 yer olds are good kisserssss
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
