it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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