I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
