Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
