1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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