Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
