totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
