He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
